Reformed Cheating Boyfriend? Or Liar Til The End?

Okay, so here’s the thing: I’m not quite sure if I can go all 7 weeks writing about personality disorders, so I think my theme is just going to be things that affect people. This week my question is, Can/Do people change? Over the past week I’ve had to be the mediator between one of my best friends from home, Katie, and her boyfriend Scott, in regards to rumours that started popping up everywhere that he cheated on her. All the evidence points out that he’s obviously lying and he did cheat on her (even though he’s still denying it), and she has come to the conclusion that he has, but is going to stay with him.

Why is she staying with him, if he’s so blantantly lying to her you ask? The simple fact that she loves him. But she was so hell bent on dumping his ass until he mentioned that in the next 5 years he wants to marry her, something she’s been wanting to hear. Katie is alot more mature than people of our age group, and is ready for babies and marriage in that time frame, and doesn’t want to waste her time on something that won’t go anywhere.

She does everything for Scott. Has since they’ve started dating. She buys him food and cigarettes, gives him a place to stay, unconditional love, and she doesn’t get much back in return. I really like Scott, him and I have a lot of fun acting like 12 year old when we’re out in public, and he is one of my male best friends for sure, but I can’t help but wonder if he’s only saying these things because he’s afraid of losing his meal ticket.

I dated Scott’s older brother Jaime on and off for over a year, but the 2 despise eachother. When all of this came about, it just so happened I was working with Jaime and asked his opinion on the whole situation. He had nothing but awful things to say about his brother and ranted for an hour. Everything from saying he has a drug problem to he cares about noone but himself to he’s cheated on every girlfriend he’s every had, which brings me to my question: if you’re once a cheater, are you always a cheater or can you change?

Katie seems to think that he can change, even after putting all the pieces together and figuring out he’s done it more than once. People keep telling her she’s making a huge mistake, and I’m thinking she might be too, but I told her I would support whatever decision she made, and if it all fell apart in the end, I’d still let her cry on my shoulder, and I won’t tell her “I told you so”. Maybe it’s because I know the family kind of), and how they are the most brilliant masters of deception I’ve ever met, but if me and Jaime were in the same position, I would probably take him back too. I call it the “Underwood effect” because Jaime and Scott, both seem to have this hold over people, where they can get away with anything they want.

I’m not even sure whether or not I’m being a good friend for supporting Katie. Am I a good one for supporting her when noone else will, or a bad one for almost encouraging her to get her heartbroken? Even though she won’t listen to anyone else anymore. But the question in the back of my mind, is that even though he did it, can her love make him change? If he’s anything like his older brother, he’s going to take advantage of how much she cares about him and completely shred her heart. But I want to believe that he’s a better person than that. He always says he’s a better person than that. But alot of things don’t add up. The whole situation is so confusing to me. I, as the best friend, am being turned to for advice, and all I can do is present the what ifs of both sides of the arguement to make her see what’s going on. But the fact that I think deep down she’s making a mistake, has me racking my brain over this. Ever since I’ve met her, it’s just been one bad thing after another and I hate seeing her cry. She’s my best friend and she’s gone through so many things at such a young age, and I just want her to be happy. Up until last Tuesday, Scott made her happy.

She says she’s willing to fight for it, especially if it can end up in marriage, but what if he’s just talking out his ass like everyone says he is? Can love really conquer all? The fact that Scott screwed up so bad he made his brother, whom I nicknamed Shithead at the low of our relationship, look like a friggin saint. The Shithead, who broke my heart into a million pieces over and over, looks like the good brother. There is something seriously wrong with this picture.

I guess at the end of the day, the real question is: is staying in a shitty situation for the sake of not being alone, worth being unhappy? I know she’s constantly going to be wondering where he is and who he’s with. That’s not fair to her. She doesn’t want to have to start from the beginning with someone else. She’s really only settling. Which leads me to my next blog…